Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Confident winning smiles :)

Winning Women

Is it running wild wondering what people are thinking about your outfit / weight / base concealed pimple, or is it taking in the surroundings and absorbing the 'vibe' in the room? What's your posture like? Are your shoulders slightly slumped with your chin dipped towards the floor a little (in light of the 'belief' that if you can't see them, they can't see you!) or are your shoulders back and your chin parallel to the floor, showing maximum body presence? How is your breathing? Are you unconsciously holding your breath - at best taking in very shallow gulps (the quiet ones - in case anyone hears you!) or is your breathing full, deep lung filling stuff?

As an eternal optimist I am hoping that you were able to say that you walk into a room with smiling eyes which acknowledge friendly glances, head up, shoulders back and breathing comfortably - all while enjoying your surroundings and not thinking for a second that anyone is judging you. Sadly, statistics shoot my optimism down some what. The numbers out there suggest that there is a mere 10 to 15% of people on this planet who exhibit the characteristics associated with high levels of confidence.

We lack self confidence for a number of reasons - our early experiences in life, the kinds of relationships we had with the important adults in our lives (parents, relatives, teachers) and the kinds of messages we received (verbal and non-verbal) which were either affirming and affectionate or destructive and critical. When we are young we see ourselves as mirrors of the people around us - for this reason parents with low self confidence end up raising kids with equally low self confidence.

If parents with low self confidence do in fact raise children who lack self confidence too, we need to break the cycle for ourselves. Self Confidence affects every aspect of our lives. It affects who we are friends with, our choice of career, our physical well being as well as our levels of success and happiness. Considering all this, let's start increasing our self confidence with the following 3 Winning Women's Secrets:

• HEAR WHAT YOU ARE SAYING TO YOURSELFThe way we speak to ourselves arises from the attitudes we have about ourselves, others and the world. If our attitude is negative we will have self-talk / thoughts that continually say things like: "I'm no good at that", "everybody else is better than I am" and "the world is a cruel place to be". We need to immediately start taking note of what we are saying to ourselves on an ongoing basis. We need to start thinking about what we are thinking about.

Another sad number research has unveiled is that we spend up to 95% of our head time in the negative self-talk zone. Positive self-talk gets a pathetic 5% air time. No wonder we battle with self confidence. If we keep telling ourselves the same things (demeaning, critical and judgemental things) we will come to believe them as true about ourselves. Similalry (and fortunately) if we keep telling ourselves wonderful, positive things - we will believe them too. There is no way on earth that a person can be negative and highly self confident. The 2 just don't live together in one body.

So let's really start taking note of the things we say to ourselves. Thereafter we need to analyse how true they are. If they are true and can be changed - let's change them. If they are true and can't be changed - let's dump them and replace them with more positive self-talk. If they are not true - then stop the thoughts immediately. If you visit one of these thoughts ever again - simply stop the thought process in mid stream - it can be done and is a wonderful thing to practice. By stopping our internal whining we will suddenly find that we are not so bad, other people are amazing individuals too and this planet is a wondrous place to live. Changing our thoughts will change our lives! • PLAN

A LIFESTYLE THAT WORKS FOR YOUHow we take care of OURSELVES is a dead give away as to what level of self confidence we have. If we find we are constantly partaking in activities such as: continuous rushing around, bad eating habits, dependence on caffeine / alcohol / pain killers, rarely saying "No" to demands made on us, taking no leisure time for ourselves, living in the future or the past, battling to accept compliments or even never asking for help - all mean we lack self confidence. All these activities are neglectful of ourselves and we are inadvertently saying we do not deserve: a calm lifestyle, wealth or increased health, help from others and many more confidence destroying beliefs.

By not changing our lifestyle we are ensuring our low self confidence. We need to push pause on the planet for about 30 minutes in our week in order to plan. A realistic, workable plan will change the way we live our lives. We too can arrive at appointments on time, having had a healthy lunch we packed the night before simply because we may have delegated a few of the tasks we would have previously ploughed our way through. We are more than worthy of a lifestyle that puts us back into the equation as number ONE, and not number 2 to the entire world and its demands. Let's start taking control of our lives, remembering if we don't have a plan for ourselves the rest of the world will make the plans for us.

• STOP PERSONALISINGThis is something we women do on a dangerous level. We tend to personalise things which should NEVER be personalised. We often battle to separate ourselves from others behaviours or words. We personalise another's behaviour or words as saying something about ourselves when in actual fact no matter what the other person says or does it IS NOT ABOUT US - IT IS ABOUT THEM.

We need to start recognising our tendency to personalise in order to curb this confidence destroying behaviour. A wonderful technique to start using when there is a verbal "attack" or someone's behaviour is having a negative impact is TO GO SEARCHING FOR THE "I". This is a technique which reinforces that what the other person is saying or doing is not about us, but about them. It works like this:When next someone throws a strong sentence at you that contains the word "you", as in: "You are so stupid" ask yourself the following question: "What is this saying about the person speaking to me?" The intention here is to return the person's statement back to them in the form of a question. This technique is used in order to get the person to replace the initial "you" with an "I". We are basically trying to get to the hidden message here - as there usually is one hidden in every strong sentence.So we would ask something along the lines of: "In what way do you think I am stupid?". The answer might very well come back in the form of a another "you" statement like "you just are", which means we have to calmly return the message: "But I am not clear on how you find me stupid". Eventually the "I" will emerge in the form of: "I never get consulted on decisions that are made". Aha, the message they were originally sending out had nothing to do with us - it was all about THEIR insecurity / frustration or bad hair day - NOT OURS. Try this one out, it stops one personalising things that just shouldn't be personalised.

Self confidence is not something that belongs to "someone" else and is not something you are either born with or without - it is a very valuable resource we all deserve and CAN have. Self confidence starts with a host of acknowledgements. We need to acknowledge our past and accept that we can't change the past, so therefore need to work with the present. The present is ours to mould and the past need have nothing to do with the present. If for example the world has always seen you as a shy, introvert who continually acts as everyone's doormat - that doesn't mean that has to continue. We need to acknowledge that we are the only ones who have the real power to change our confidence level - only we can make the decision to change, to practice the changes and to stop letting external issues affect our internal confidence. A decision to change, followed by the actions you have decided on will ensure greater self confidence and a happier more balanced life. So what if the people around us get a shock when we change things - they'll soon get used to the new and improved Confident us.

As parents we are our children's first educators, so we owe it to them to look after ourselves and work on our own confidence levels. Let's start with baby steps, but at least make one simple move every day towards greater self confidence. Let's challenge ourselves. Let's start walking into rooms slowly, shoulders back, making eye contact with the people who want to feast their eyes on another Confident Woman!

Roshni Mehta
Batho Pele Unit Champion
Occupational Health and Safety UnitCorporate Services & HR Cluster

Joystick car

Don't worry if your kids are too much into video games.
You will need someone to drive you around
when you are old.
So get your kid a joystick and some latest car games
train them to face the world

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Tagged, finally got the time :)

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn on page 18 and find line 4?
Ans: Call support if you need further help
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.& catch air?
Ans: u might not have much air left to breathe
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Ans: blue screen - no signal
4. Without looking, guess what time it is?
Ans: 0910
5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
Ans: 0921
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Ans engines, aircon, machines
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Ans: 0900 - tea break
8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Ans: whether the net was working
9. What are you wearing?
Ans: coveralls
10. When did you last laugh?
Ans: laughing while i am doing this tag/quiz
11. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Ans: tools, manuals, tel nos, instructions...
12. Seen anything weird lately?
Ans: me...?
13. What do you think of this quiz?
Ans: helping me kill time now
14. What is the last film you saw?
Ans: don't remember the name, a romantic movie on cd
15. If you became a multimillionaire overnight, what would you buy?
Ans: at present buy thayir satham nakku sethu pochu
16. Tell me something about you that I don’t know?
Ans: i grew up from a boy
17. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or
politics, what would you do?
Ans: go back to prehistoric times, eat fruit from tree, live like prehistoric man
18. Do u like to Dance?
Ans: depends on the partner
19. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Ans: ms.junior
20. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Ans: junior
21. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Ans: work abroad, live in india
22. What do you want GOD to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
Ans:rather, what will God say? who are u, never seen u before

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Miss my father - father's day

- Father's dayi thought of my father
tear drops rolled down my eyes
i wish... he was here with me
and still show me how to live my life
He had friends rich and poor
all were the same to him
He taught us how to swim
in the water and thro difficult times
with sincerity and honesty
He always shared his knowledge
and many a lesson did i learn, so did others
i don't know if i would be as much of a dad
to my kids as he was to me
wish he had been with my kids too
well maybe God wanted me to stand on my legs
so he took him away
but i still know he watches me everday
and whispers me to be a good dad
we had our adventures, fun times,
hugs, laughter, joys and sorrows ...
as i have today with my kids
but when my kids say
'i love u dad' i never recollect saying that to my dad.
my father knows my hugs and smiles meant the same
but dad at times i have hurt you never said a sorry
and i know u will understand...this one is from my heart
"i love u dad" and wish u were here with me
for i still feel/want to be a kid with a dad like everyone

Friday, June 16, 2006

Chennai - city of smiles

The other day i missed my handphone and realised it only when i reached home. Pochu(gone)... + prepaid card with Rs1500/= gone case was my thought. Anyway i said let me call my phone and see whether it is ringing somewhere in the house (i am so forgetful). no chance. i could hear the phone ringing in my earpiece and after a few rings a voice answered back.
"phone ingay thaan irukku sikkaramay vanthu eduthukongao" ...(the phone is here, pls come and pick it up early). i asked who was itand where was the phone? the reply was tender coconut shop. the shop is at the corner of the indhranagar 3 road junction by the bike showroom.
i immediately went and collected it from them. they refused to take a token of appreciation also.
i have lost quite a bit in many cities but chennai was the city which got my smile back again.
if u go there u can see he has about 4 white mouse running through his coconuts.
pictures later as i have forgotten them on a different computer

Friday, June 09, 2006

Where time slows down

Emerald Islands (Andamans)
"Hatching The Perfect Holiday"
Returned back after a relaxed ........ holiday :)
Flying first time - Air Deccan
This holiday would not have been possible if not for Air Deccan
Very reasonably priced :) Clean planes and for snacks we had taken a bag of crunchies and munchies.
We thought of taking the ship one way(costlier than AD) but we were fortunate as a fellow passenger explained how it took 11 days to reach Port Blair after the ship broke down.
Only problem was they had open/free tickets and when we boarded nearly all the window/aisle seats were taken and we were sitting in different rows. After some requests we managed to get together and the kids got window seats :)

The islands looked so beautiful from air. green island with a narrow border of white beach, surrounded by light bluish green shallow waters and then the dark blue deep sea. No wonder they are called Emerald Islands. After a smooth flight we landed at Port Blair, we took a ferry to Havelock island in the afternoon.

We stayed at Dolphin Resorts(Tourism of India) which is on this beautiful beach

The sand is pure white and like powder(different from Marina beach). It was a sheltered beach and so not much of waves and shallow. Water was crystal clear and you could see the fish, corals...

The picture below is Elephant beach which has some of the most beautiful corals in he world. As you can see the vegetation is right upto the sea

We did snorkelling and scuba diving over here and discovered that it is a totally new world under the sea.

I got an underwater disposable camera and the pictures looked OK

Saw a ariety of fish, turtles,corals....

He wanted to give it a try but he will have to wait till he gets older

A beautiful lighthouse on the way back

Then on the way back at Port Blair we visited the cellular jail, where the English had the Indian patriots(Veer Savarkar....) in jail. After seeing the cells, musuems, sound and light show, I wonder whether we give too much importance to Gandhiji... while many people died in prison away from the main land . Out of the seven wings only 3 are remaining.

Place of sound and light show

Prisoners did hard labour getting oil out of coconuts

Cells in a row

where they were executed

It did bring tears to my eyes

We did not have time to see the only active volcano in India and a few more islands... but then we will catch it the next time

Air Deccan brought us back home. Managed to get some seats together :)

Time passed very very slow at Andamans. Sun rose at 4.30 AM nd the day was lonnggggggg as if we had more than 24 hours a day. I got a clock from there so that i could have a longggggggg day in Chennai tooo. But the clock seems to know it is in the fast world and back to a world where there is not enough time.

If you want to enjoy a longgg holiday where u can enjoy every minute do visit Emerald Islands.